on virality, the internet, and women
a few thoughts on going viral, the internet in general, and being a woman amongst all these things.
this post is best read while listening to childish gambino’s smash hit “because the internet.” i’m sorry, i don’t make the rules.
so i recently went viral on the internet.
i’ve existed on the internet for the better part of the last two point five decades. i’ve made geocities websites, customized the everloving shit out of my myspace, wrote all my ~ feelings ~ on xanga and livejournal, got facebook the SECOND i got my .edu email (shout out to the OGs), ditched my blackberry for an iphone JUST so i could have instagram, ran a lifestyle blog for longer than i’m willing to admit, am extremely funny on twitter still, and recently got into tiktok. i just like being on the internet. i have social anxiety that can make it hard for me to be myself in person, so the internet has always been a place i can turn to just…be me. but in all this time, i’ve really never been noticed for my internet presence. until this last year.
last spring, i tweeted a thought that had been living rent-free in my brain for a long time, lucked out that one of my followers runs an extremely popular account, they retweeted it and well…it went viral. even the meme instagram accounts picked it up.
tbh i’m still confused
but the virality of this tweet didn’t do much to me personally. i just muted all my notifications on twitter because frankly my phone felt like it might explode from all the notifications. but nothing about this experience prepared me for what happened when my tiktok went viral.
@alxandriasays The end is gonna throw you for a loop tbh #elfitup #fyp #foryoupage #toddlersoftiktok #toddlertok #toddlermom ♬ original sound - alxandriasays
now, context: june bolts up in bed every morning when i go into her room. people think it’s the funniest (weirdest?) thing, but every single morning when i open the door she POPS up. she tends to wake up before we go in, but just hasn’t figured out that she can get out of bed on her own. and if any of you tell her she can, there will be blood. i literally had 20 followers when i posted this, and all of them knew me (and june) personally. so it was just kind of shocking to wake up a few days after posting this video to almost 100k views and hundreds of comments. and while most of the comments were also finding this funny, cute and silly, there were many commenters who went on the attack.
people took issue with quite a few things in this compilation. they hated the sound the door makes and that i turn the light on when i walk in. the first point, i literally can’t control. my house is 100 years old, and all my doors are original. i like them! the end. the latter point is fair.it would absolutely suck to be woken up like that. except she is already awake. even when i explained that though, people still wanted to complain. whatever.
the most vitriol came in response to my voice. i walk in and say “hi” or “good morning.” i don’t baby talk her (never have), and i talk to her like…well…any other person. from this, people said the following: i’m aggressive, i’m performing a raid on her, i clearly hate her and i shouldn’t be a mother (to name a few). more than a few people told me to “be kinder” to her, which just felt like some man trying to tell me to smile.
there’s a level of comfort society has for letting women, especially mothers, know how much they suck. that we’re never good enough, that we can do better, that clearly they’re doing better than you. and it was (is) on full display in the comments of my video. the good news: i know that i’m the best mom for my kids. these comments certainly bummed me out, but i could laugh most of them off (and block the meanest ones tbh). but if i didn’t have this confidence? YIKES.
the concept of a keyboard warrior isn’t new. they’ve been around forever, emboldened by the anonymity of the internet to type things they’d never say to your face. and when you think about it like that, they’re on the internet for the exact same reason as me (just taken to a cruel extreme). the freedom it allows is intoxifying. however, targeting mothers, many of whom are still in the throws of hormones and postrpartum and not sleeping? it’s just…mean.
the judgment mothers face is overwhelming almost all the time. the slightest perceived misstep, and you’re a monster. even down to the way we delivered our children (the remarks about “natural” birth still trigger me, frankly), everything is up for the publics’ commentary. mary catherine starr recently had a comic of hers go viral that really hit the nail on the head for me (and then read her interview on cup of jo because it’s spot on).
none of this is going to make me leave the internet. for better or for worse, you’re all stuck with me. i’m sorry you’re stuck with my bad jokes on twitter for a while longer. but with that in mind, i’m not really sure what we do about this, though. how do we change this innate comfort we have with shitting on mothers for simply existing? i don’t know, but maybe go and tell some of your mom friends they’re doing a great job. because i know they don’t hear it enough.
featured: just us gals
I recently was interviewed for the Boston-based website Just Us Gals for their series called “Who’s That Gal?” I spoke a lot about my career thus far, and about what a typical day used to look like when we weren’t living in a pandemic. Just know, my days look a lot the same but a lot different. Different in that I never leave my house. Read more!
on skincare
i wrote this entire freaking post out, and it never actually saved and then it just disappeared. SIGH. so here we go again.
i used to be very diligent about my skincare. i worked parttime at a local healthy skincare store, learned a ton and used it to get my skin in tip top shape. i left after a few years, but still prioritized taking care of my skin. then i got pregnant. my skin was GREAT. best it’s ever been (thanks hormones, literally!). june was born, and my skin absolutely freaked out. i started getting breakouts, i was dry and flaky, and somehow i forgot everything i knew about skincare.
thank goodness i have the skincare guru (who is also my self-appointed mother), jeannie vincent, in my life. jeannie hosted a nighttime skincare ritual class at credo in boston, and helped me address all my skincare woes (and remind me that it’s not selfish to spend 5-10 minutes on my skincare routine at night). i thought i’d share the things i’m using that i like with you! because i’m nice!!!
here’s the part where i let you know that this post contains affiliate links (bc the FTC requires me to do so). however, these are not my affiliate links. they’re jeannie’s. jeannie is a boston-based makeup artist and educator and thus has been greatly impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. so help me help my mother out. plus credo has a real cute gift with purchase going on right now so this is truly in your best interest.
marie veronique pure e.o. free oil cleanser ($40). i love oil cleansers because they just feel nice on my skin. i also love this one because i’m sensitive to fragrance and this one has NONE! you apply with dry hands to a dry face and gently massage it in. you wipe it off with a damp cloth, which is way nicer than splashing water around and making a mess on your counter imho.
OSEA ocean cleanser ($48). surprise!!! a double cleanse! gotta make sure you get ALL the makeup and life off before you go to bed so your skin is sparkly fresh. i had been using a different cleanser that i was sort of meh on, so i asked jeannie what she recommended to replace it and she said this one is her absolute favorite.
tata harper resurfacing mask ($65). this mask is the best, and i can truly say that because i’ve used it for a few years now. it’s a quick mask, and you see results right away. it lasts quite some time, making the price tag a bit easier to digest. but it’s my go-to for just before i go to an event; it leaves your skin glowing.
josh rosebrook hydrating accelerator ($35). i have used this face mist for close to six or seven years now. toners rock. they help balance the pH of your skin and prep it to receive any oils/creams you put on after. and they just feel luxurious and refreshing. this one has an ultrafine mist that coats your face evenly. cannot recommend it enough!!!
beuti skincare beauty sleep elixir ($70). jeannie told me that meghan markle also uses this oil and i blacked out and then it was in my home. a few drops is all you need, and it leaves my skin feeling velvety soft. plus now i’m one step closer to being everyone’s favorite duchess. win/win.
OSEA blemish balm ($48). i wasn’t sure what i should do about my allover skin breakouts, so jeannie recommended this moisturizer to me. it features tea tree oil, to disinfect all those lovely pimple friends, so it smells like tea tree oil. BUT! much to my delight, the scent goes away quickly and my skin feels taut (not tight!) after i put it on. i also use this during the daytime if i have some particularly not fun breakouts going on. overall, it helps soothe my breakouts quickly.
indie lee i-waken eye serum ($48). i’ve actually been using this one for about 9 months, and i really like it! it helps depuff my poor sad eyeballs, which is what a mother of an infant truly needs. jeannie gave me a great tip to not just use this (using your ring finger!) under your eye, but all around you orbital bone (so up top too!). just make sure you don’t go too close to the lash line.
henné lip mask ($37). this lip mask rocks. my lips have been so chapped this winter, it feels like regular lip balm just doesn’t cut it. this lip mask is a perfect last step in my skincare routine to ensure my WHOLE face is moisturized and prepped for legit beauty sleep.
bonus items!! i asked jeannie to recommend some face wipes for me for after exercising. thanks to COVID, i’ll be home for the foreseeable future and squeezing in workouts during the day when i can. i don’t want to have to wash my face multiple times during the day, but i want to make sure i don’t look like a sweaty mess on all my hangout/zoom meetings. jeannie recommended the ursa major essential face wipes ($24 for 20 individually wrapped towelettes) and the vitamin cleanse facial cleansing cloths from kaia naturals ($16 for a pack of 30 wipes). i’ve used the ursa major ones before, and they’re AMAZING for cleaning up on the go, but i think i’m going to try the vitamin cleanse wipes since i won’t be leaving my house anytime soon (upside down smiley face).
go forth and have great skincare!!
on starting over
after nearly 10 years of blogging, i finally let my old domain lapse. i shared just about everything there, a true diary of my 20s. but when your most read post is the one you wrote about your divorce, it’s hard to come back and pretend everything’s still the same.
so i let it lapse. i had a baby and when the time came to update my billing info with my old host, i just…forgot. and when i finally uncovered all those emails, it was too late. so i didn’t do anything. and then a few weeks later, i decided to come here.
i had been putting off making a portfolio for my entire professional career (because i already had a website!!!! also: i’m lazy!!!!!!!!!!!), so now that i suddenly was without a domain, it seemed like the perfect time to start this.
i’m not too sure what’s going to come of this blog section, but maybe it’ll be the place i drop my thoughts. or if i ever bet my shit together and freelance, maybe i’ll cross publish them here. or maybe this will be the last post i ever put on a blog on the internet.
who knows.
but this is me, starting over.